"Successful motherhood is a unique form of responsibility taking, rooted in an understanding of competing demands, compromise, nurture, making the best of things, weighing often competing limitations, in order to arrive at a realistic mode of survival (p.8)."
Jane Smiley- Can Mothers Think?
I started this blog with the hope that I would be able to write an entry every few days on the subject of transitioning from the corporate office world to stay-at-home mom. It lasted only a few days before I was completely disconnected from the blogging world for more reasons than one!
As part of my final project for a course I'm taking at UNC-Greensboro entitled American Motherhood, I'm going to be posting a few entries on this blog in relation to the subject matters we've been studying. (I will be finally graduating in December with a Bachelor's degree...15 years and 4 schools later...!)
Many articles, journals and writings regarding motherhood and the debate over "working" moms versus "stay-at-home" moms have prompted much thought and consideration into why exactly I decided to stay home and rear children, what factors lead to my decision, how it has impacted my relationship with my husband and our family dynamic and how it has affected me emotionally and spiritually.
Motherhood, as described by Adrienne Rich in her book Of Woman Born writes,
"Motherhood-unmentioned in the histories of conquests and serfdom, wars and treaties, exploration and imperialism- has a history, it has an ideology, it is more fundamental than tribalism or nationalism (p. 34)."
Quite honestly, I left this blog behind months ago because I simply had no time for it! Full-time motherhood has proved to be a daunting yet exhilarating task. It has proved to be more work than I could have ever imagined. And yet, the term "work" is still being defined with each and every day.
Rich writes of her motherhood experience,
"I remember being uprooted from already meager sleep to answer a childish nightmare, pull up a blanket, warm a consoling bottle, lead a half-asleep child to the toilet. I remember going back to bed starkly awake, brittle with anger, knowing that my broken sleep would make next day a hell, that there would be more nightmares, more need for consolation, because out of my weariness I would rage at those children for no reason they could understand (p. 32)."
I can attest that this experience is true. Motherhood is not glamorous! Children are hard work, they are disobedient, they try patience, they test my wit and my nerve, they stir up anxiety and frustration. A bitter-root can spring up if one is not careful to act in gratefulness for the opportunity and blessing it is to be a mother.
I am on my feet more than I am sitting down, which is a contrast to my previous life at a desk inside a cubicle working a prestigious Downtown Charlotte job on the 13th floor of a high-rise. I am no longer in need of my fancy dress clothes, high heels or parking pass. I am no longer in the circle of young professionals esteeming to "get-ahead" in the corporate world. I am no longer invited to Happy-Hour (which I never did attend anyways, but the fact that I was invited boosted my self-esteem from co-workers). I am not up to date on the trends in the commercial real estate market nor do I know what firm is building the next high-rise in center-city, or how much they paid per square foot or what their pro-rata share may be. I am out of the loop of all things industrious and pertinent to corporate jargon.
So why did I leave my corporate job, a great job with benefits and good pay? We had a
superb daycare with wonderful caring teachers who loved our oldest son and
then our youngest when he was born. I was spending ample time with my spouse. My husband and I worked in buildings next
to each other so we carpooled- dropped the kids off at daycare and rode, chatted
and connected during our 30 minute commute. Often we had lunch together, in
fact it was probably the most time my husband I had together in the 5 years we
had been married. So what prompted a change of heart? Everything seemed ideal according to the world's standards...
Rich quotes author Stuart Hampshire on the Patriarchal perspective on motherhood, one that I agree with (which Rich does not), Hampshire says,
"On this...female consciousness depend on the morality and the emotional life of the human family (p.43)." And later she writes, "Institutional motherhood revives and renews all other institutions (p.45)."
There were several factors that weighed my decision, but primarily it came down to a personal decision. The factor of finances was more important to my husband than it was to me. My husband took months to warm up to the idea of me quitting my job. Mostly because he is a worrywart and he has a hard time when he cannot predict our financial situation. I on the other hand had faith that it would work out on one income. My husband's prudence had put us in a place financially where we had no debt besides a mortgage, so the option to stay at home was actually an active option. I suppose as a white middle-class American that it was simply status-quo and expected for me to stay at home, according to many readings throughout the American Motherhood course. However, were it not for my husband's prudence with money, I would not have been afforded the option to quit working.
In my heart the most important reason to leave my job was a personal call to balance in my spiritual and emotional life. As a devout Christian I have been influenced by women around me, and by the faith that inspires me, to believing that being a mother is an invaluable institution in and of itself. It is something to be aspired to, it is of great value and immeasurable worth. My mother was my own example of this. My mother quit working when I was 2 years old when my younger brother was born and she did not return to work until my youngest sister was in middle school. Her example to me was that work, whether in the home or at a desk, was never done.
I wasn't simply quitting work. I was moving from one job to the next. As Ann Crittenden writes in her book The Price of Motherhood,
The passage in Scripture that every Christian woman aspires to is an influential passage that encourages me during this season being a stay-at-home mother. The popular passage is found in Proverbs 31, an astute portrait of a wife and mother and how she diligently plans, prepares, works, buys and sells and provides for her children while supporting her husband's title and ultimately honoring his position.
In my heart the most important reason to leave my job was a personal call to balance in my spiritual and emotional life. As a devout Christian I have been influenced by women around me, and by the faith that inspires me, to believing that being a mother is an invaluable institution in and of itself. It is something to be aspired to, it is of great value and immeasurable worth. My mother was my own example of this. My mother quit working when I was 2 years old when my younger brother was born and she did not return to work until my youngest sister was in middle school. Her example to me was that work, whether in the home or at a desk, was never done.
I wasn't simply quitting work. I was moving from one job to the next. As Ann Crittenden writes in her book The Price of Motherhood,
"Working mothers aren't "doing their job" at home, while mothers at home don't have a "real" job. The net effect of all this belittling is to obscure the larger reality that mothers as a group are performing an enormous amount of essential unpaid labor (p.250)."
The passage in Scripture that every Christian woman aspires to is an influential passage that encourages me during this season being a stay-at-home mother. The popular passage is found in Proverbs 31, an astute portrait of a wife and mother and how she diligently plans, prepares, works, buys and sells and provides for her children while supporting her husband's title and ultimately honoring his position.
"She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”" - Proverbs 31:27-29
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”" - Proverbs 31:27-29
As Jane Smiley wrote in the opening quote at the beginning of this entry, motherhood is responsibility in order to survive. We see in this passage from Proverbs that a woman is much more than just one responsibility at a time. Some interpretations of Proverbs 31 point to the wife/mother pursuing different things during different seasons of her life, rather than all at one time. For me, this is the season of raising children as a full-time job. There will be other seasons to come when they are grown, but for now it is a purpose-filled endeavor to give of myself and my talents to our children.
